Friday, April 1, 2011

HEY! I’M WALKIN’ HERE!!!

If you live or work in Manhattan, you pretty much walk, well, everywhere.  It’s just the nature of the beast.  You’ll need a good pair of shoes before you consider buying a car. 
If you’re outside of the Metro area, this may seem a little hard to believe.  But it’s not an exaggeration.  Everything you need is within walking distance.  By some chance if it’s not, you aren’t far from a bus or subway stop.
It’s really a nice benefit here in New York.  However, there are disturbances in the force that screw it all up.  No, not Darth Vader or Storm troopers.  I’m talking, of course about, tourists.
 I don’t care if they’re from half way around the world, or from Staten Island, you’re a tourist.  You are able to get a pass.  If you work in New York, but commuting from somewhere, you’re NOT a tourist.
 So here is where the current events portion ends…and the rant begins.
LEARN HOW TO F’N WALK PEOPLE!  You’re not walking in Disney Land, you’re in a city.  You may be on vacation, but others around you are either working, or have personal matters too attend to. 
Here are some personal quarrels I’ve encountered…
- Walking on the sidewalk shoulder to shoulder.  People, why do you need to make a human wall?  I’m sure you enjoy each other’s company.  But unless you’re the front line defensemen for the NY Giants, BREAK IT UP AND STOP BLOCKING ME!!!
- This really confuses the hell out of me.  If you’re 5 foot 8, why do you need an umbrella the size of a 70’s Cadillac?  When I see an actual beach umbrella…I want to just stab them with it.
- Wait, wait, wait.  You actually stop at intersections?  That's cute.  Know what I say?  GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!  This is real life Frogger folks.  Play or get the hell out of the way. 

- If you're a small child or an expecting mother, you have a right to walk slow.  If you don't fall into that category, you deserve a ticket.  Think of it as a cop giving a ticket for walking too fast.  I just need to figure out how to add a sidewalk speed limit to maintain.

Moral of the story...

You were expected to walk and keep order in gradeschool.  The same should be applied to NYC sidewalks.  Remember, this isn't the magic kingdom, it's New York Morther F@*KIN' City!

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