Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Happy Birthday - Now Go "F" Yourself

Let's see, let's see.

I'm trying to think of the right wording for this phrase.  Hmmm...GOT IT!!!

"To the person I hate more than words can describe.  Today is your birthday, how about you give me a gift, and walk in front of a cement truck that's doing 50."

That'll do…that'll do…aaaaaaaannnnddd post to Facebook.

I enjoy writing my Monday Man-Law blogs, and this week, I really wanted to write my Bromance idea.  So I didn't want to write a potentially angry/depressing story. Seeing as this is Tuesday's blog, and I'm short on ideas, I figure now is as good a time as any.

All of Monday I was really mad, and my mind was in a million different directions.  Reason being, I remember the smallest details, and I can't forget them.  In this case, it was the calendar.

June 20th & November 24th, both are my personal tax days.  You know it'll come around again, and when it does, you just have to deal with it. 

In previous years the date was a time when life was at its peak, and I had all the answers.  Now, I'd rather have a flying DeLorean that can help me skip these dates.

June 20th is "her" birthday.  I say her because I don't even want to write out the name. 

See, I loved making a big deal about birthdays.  I considered them "personal holidays", and that person deserves to have the best time possible.  And I loved this person, so of course, I wanted to go all out on her birthday.

I considered June 1st the home stretch.  A time where I had to finalize my plans, and let me tell you, I did my damnedest, to go all out.  Now, I know that means the 20th is around the corner, and the month needs to be over with.

So now, instead of making plans, I think about all the crap that’s gone on.  What’s really funny, as I’m writing this, I have people questioning my Facebook post.  So I guess I should go into details on why I posted it, or better yet, why I’m my own enemy.

Here is the cliff note version…
-   We dated for five years, and talked about getting married.
-   We looked at engagement rings for 3-4 months.
-   We found the ring and I put the deposit on it when she wasn’t around.
-   I started the overnight shift at my current job, and had a very hard time adjusting to it.
-   Three weeks later…The day before I was going to ask her father for permission (knowing he was going to say yes), she dropped a surprise on me.  She didn’t love me anymore and another guy was in the picture.
-   A week or so later, she started going out with the guy.
-   A month later they moved in together.
-   We met up to talk at a diner.  She said the fact I didn’t spend money bothered her, and that led to a lot of problems.  I sarcastically apologized for saving up for the engagement ring she knew I had trouble financing (yet wanted).
-   In August I was in a car accident, which screwed up my neck and back.  I got a text message 2-3 weeks later saying, “How’s your neck, and where did you get those band t-shirts made up that one time?”  --- I honestly thought the meds were making me see things.
-   Easter Sunday, I got a nice text informing me they were getting married on my birthday.

So, back to my original reason for posting this…

I hate June 20th.  It reminds me of all the hurtful things that took place.  As a bonus, it reminds me about all the pain and turmoil I dealt with. 
Now I’m sure at least one person is thinking, “Man up and just leave her in the past.”  To that person I say two things.  First off, go fuck yourself.  Secondly, trust me when I say she’s in my past.  But it’s not that easy.

I still suffer from anxiety, major trust issues with women, and major personal self-doubt issues.  All things that stem from having my heart trampled on.
So for those who have a problem with me venting, friends or complete strangers, I really could care less.  Days like today are harder to get through than others.  If a keyboard helps me get through it, then so be it.  It beats alternatives that people use to get through hard times.

You never know what people are going though.  So don’t judge, because you may not truly understand.


An early picture of us when we started dating.  Somehow made it to my back-up disks.


A video my friend Rosana reminded me to check out.  Kind of explains what I'm thinking.


At the same time, she reminded me about this song.  Still explains everything I'm going through, but from another angle.

7 comments:

  1. I love you Monte! A lot of people can relate to this...It just makes you wiser and stronger knowing that you got through this. Trust me, your better off without her!

    <3 Your favorite (and only) Pereira

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  2. I think this was my quote exactly “Man up and just leave her in the past.” :P

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  3. I like your honesty. That was a shitty thing to deal with. More like 5,000 shitty things to deal with. Remember that word karma though. One day, she'll know. And in that retrospect, that can give you closure.

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  4. I hate that she has any effect on you at all, especially this one. She's not worth the virtual ink.
    In all honesty, that picture is the first time I ever saw her smile. You can do better, and are doing better. Just think of where you are in life right now, where your career is going to, where you're moving to... etc. I'm proud of ya, and you better know who this is!

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  5. Thanks everyone for the comments. Also, I'm pretty sure I know who everyone is that posted :)

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  6. God I had no idea that's how that all went down! Im truly sorry dude. and im speaking as a woman, that's absolutely disgusting behavior.

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    ReplyDelete