Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Letter To My Grandmother

Dear Nan,

You don't really realize it, but it's your grandson.

It's been a rough few months for you, and unfortunately, it's going to get harder.  I know a lot of changes are going on right now, but you're one tough old broad.  So don't be scared.

You're in amazing care at an upscale hospital.  Tell you the truth, I think it's nicer than most homes I've been in!  So relax and be comfortable.

What we're not telling you, is what the doctors told us.

Unfortunately, the Alzheimer's is getting worse.  It's getting to the point that family members can't take care of you.  The dreaded phrase, "beginning of the end" was used.  Instantly, I wished you were back in our house.

I'll be the first to admit that, I'm TERRIBLE, at handling a person's passing.  I just become a blubbering mess.

I remember as a kid, my friend's grandparents were usually in unhealthy shape.  Me on the other hand, I felt like my grandparents could participate in old folk Olympics.

Which is one reason this is so hard.

As a kid I figured you'll always be around.  I guess that feeling kind of bleed over into my adult hood.

I did my best to try and hide it, but I was a damn train wreck when my grandfather (or as we called him, poppy) passed away a few years ago.  So I can only imagine how the next few months will play out.

I usually do my writing while on the train.  As people are giving me looks, I'm already chocking up thinking about everything.  So I know this'll be rough.

And don't worry about mom!!!  Just like you, we're all worried about her.  It's probably going to be the roughest on her, but that's what family is for.  So please don't let that be one of your coherent thoughts.

As for me, I'll figure out a way to get through it.  I always do.  As soon as I do, you'll be the first to know in my prayers.

Your forever loving grandson

For everyone else, I'm not sure what to say.  I have no puns or witty remarks here.  Just thoughts bleeding from the heart.

The last few days have been rough, and events are unfolding to fast.  I knew I'd write something like this eventually, but I didn't expect it to be so soon.  I also thought I'd have time to get a REALLY nice photo of the two of us.  Again, things happened so fast that I couldn't do it.

Writing is therapy.  It's the one thing, that is healthy, in which I can vent.  So no smart ass remarks, nothing spiteful, or anything that'll result me from wanting to kick you on the teeth.

Let me have this one...

My grandmother and mother

1 comment:

  1. Sux to here brother...Go home and smack a fish, it will make you feel better! :)