Tuesday, November 29, 2011

BLACK AND BLUE FRIDAY

Oh how I love Thanksgiving…family/friends, food, football…what’s not to love?!?!

Don’t fall into a trap though.  Like a boxer preparing for the fight of his/her life, you need to prepare for your epic battle. 

The retail battle that is.

Black Friday, arguably, has the best deals of any day in the year.  Also, it’s the first official shopping day of the holiday season.

It brings out the best deals possible.  At the same time, it brings out the worst in people at times.

Now before I go on, let me admit, that I myself, have participated in Black Friday.  By participate, I've been that nut standing at the mall door since midnight, waiting for doors to open.

Some years I bought stuff for me.  Majority of the time, it was for other people, especially kids in the family.

So I can understand people going crazy for items.  People forget one thing.  Besides the awesome deals, you get something else.  An almost guarantee that a particular item will be in stock.

Just knowing people can get a particular item is all they need to go bat shit crazy. 

Oh, and trust me, they are balls to the wall crazy.

People make a big deal that someone pepper sprayed others to get away from their shopping cart.  We're horrified that brawls have broken out.  Oh, and there was the one instance where someone was KILLED by a stampede of Wal-Mart shoppers.

Yeah, Black Friday is crazy to say the least. 

My suggestion for people who are interested in participating next year...make an F'n game plan!!!

Know what you want to buy, figure out where you want to go shopping, how bad you need a particular item, and ALWAYS add safety into the equation.

Simple as that.  Consider that the Cliffnote version of Black Friday survival.

Oh, and one last important note.  Schedule time for when you're done shopping, to take a LOOOOOOOOONG and deserving nap?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

MAN-LAW #20: THE GREATEST RESPONSIBILITY POSSIBLE


I’ve called it, and so have you.  Little kids can’t wait to do it, and without it, you feel like you’re getting a demotion.  However, do people know the greatest responsibility of them all???

MAN-LAW #20: RIDING SHOTGUN = COP LOOK-OUT

It can be an afternoon drive, or just cruisin’ with your friends, a ticket of any kind from a cop will ruin someone’s day.

That’s why, if you call shotgun, you’re looking out for the 5-0.

Now this goes for a number of possibilities. 
- Traffic cameras that take pictures
- Cop car you see ahead that’s chilling on the side of the road
- Known hidden speed traps
- Cop cars driving along side of you

I’m sure there’s more instances of being on the lookout, but you get the idea.

Just because you’re not driving, doesn’t mean you don’t have something to do.  Yes, calling shotgun has other responsibilities attached to it, but is there anything more important than looking out for cops?

Tickets lead to points / and heavy fines…which leads up to some big bucks. Meaning…your buddy gets F’d in the A.

So take the responsibility of calling shotgun, because if you could’ve done something to help your friend, your buddy has the right to kick you in the junk.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

AMERICA, SHOW SOME THANKS


This is a time to give thanks. 

This is a time to remember what we have, because along the path of life, it’s so easy to forget how good we may have it.

I don’t want to hear otherwise from people. 

I may not be blessed with an enormous trust fund, a job that pays me six figures, nor the skills to accomplish any task thrown at me.  However, I know that I have it much better, than other people in this world.

So like I said.  I don’t want to hear the bitching and moaning.

I mention this on Thanksgiving because, well, we’re able to give thanks.  All due to sacrifices that were made.  In some cases, people gave the ultimate sacrifice. 


Unfortunately, some people don’t know how to say thank you.  For that matter, they don’t know how to show respect to those who’ve provided so much for all of us.

I’d like to think that I’m respectful at all appropriate moments. One of the most appropriate times, would probably be the “Tomb of the Unknown Soldier” in Arlington Texas.

Sadly, not as many people have the same common sense.  I came across a video on YouTube, showing a Tomb Guard (forgive me if I misuse the wrong terminology), yelling at loud bystanders.



For such a simple video, I need to be honest, it really took me aback.  I’m not too sure what the reason may be.  Maybe it’s the fact people were being so disrespectful, or the fact a guard spoke out like he did. 

It’s not someone’s first choice to take a baby to a movie, because they know it wouldn’t be fair to the crowd once the kid starts crying.  For some reason though, it doesn’t occur to show respect to those who deserve it most.

So on this Thanksgiving, I will use this time to say my thanks, to those who deserve it most. 

To those who risk your lives so we can live ours…
To those who temporarily leave your families, while we can see ours…
To those who carry out daily orders, so we can say what we want…
And finally…
To those who have given the ultimate sacrifice.

Thank you


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT

So I'll admit.  Today's title may be a little miss-leading.  It may seem that this can be a very sexual/provocative type blog.  Oh no.  Far from the case.  It's all about tongue in cheek disgust.

Today, I'm referring to my distain of traffic enforced cameras, popping up at traffic lights.

Has anyone else noticed the increasing number of cameras trying to nab folks at traffic lights?

These lights are supposed to catch people who go through lights, make illegal turns or go too far into intersections.  Then, a picture of your car is taken, and you get a ticket sent to you in the mail.

Why are they doing this?  If you believe it's for public safety, you need to get away from la la land and visit the real world.

Towns are hurting for cash.  So, the easiest way to make up that revenue, is to punish their citizens.

Yup, instead of putting money into the economy or savings, officials want it for themselves.  All because they can't balance a budget, and rely on hard working people to fix their fuck-ups.

The mascot of wasteful spending
Here's a radical idea.  Stop spending money as if it's coming out of a bottomless pit, and balance your budgets. 

By doing this, people will be able to spend money, banks will prosper because people can take out loans, and townships won't have to nail hard working people for extra cash.

Government officials put budgets into the red because they were greedy.  Now, they are nailing you at red lights to help them get out of the red.  I'm sure even they laughed at the irony of this asinine situation.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

READING THIS MAY GIVE YOU CANCER


Beer, it equals yummy.  Careful though.  Too much, and you may get liver cancer.  Some enjoy the puff of a cigarette during a crazy day.  Alas, the possibility of lung cancer is well known.  Even as I'm writing this blog on my iPhone, who knows what sort of electronic/cancer causing waves it's omitting.  Maybe, I should just do nothing, to avoid any type of cancer what-so-ever.

Wait...what?

Actually, I can't do that either. 

Turns out, by sitting still and doing nothing, you're still at a high risk of cancer!

Don't want to leave the couch because you must know who'll advance to the next round of 'Dancing with the Stars'?  You might want to TiVo it so you can fast forward through the nonsense. 

According to the American Institute for Cancer Research conference in D.C.; about 90,000 cases of breast and colon cancer are caused each year by people who don't get enough physical activity, either because they sit at a desk all day or because they are entranced with 'Dancing with the Stars' type shows.

In a study of 123,000 people, scientists found that people sitting still tend to die sooner and that those who engage in regular physical activity.

According to the research, walking at least 30 minutes a day will help avoid cancer.

Well, at least till they find something wrong with that in another study.

Long story short; people new to stop looking for the easy way to do things.  Due to my commute in Manhattan, I walk a lot.  Instead of taking escalators/elevators where available, I use the stairs.

These simple things will always add up.

For an upcoming holiday, that has the phrase "turkey coma" attached to it, we all might want to keep a little more active this week.

Well, least till football is over with.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

PETA IS KILLING MY CHILDHOOD

Have to admit.  I was never much of an animal person growing up.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I was trying to kill squirrels in the backyard. We were just a family who didn’t have, nor care, for having animals in the house.  At the same time, if I ever saw anyone hurting a dog or anything, in no way would I let it continue. 

Other people though, they seem to love their animals more than humans.  Hey, it’s a free country, do what you want.  It may not make sense to me that every town has a crazy cat lady, but so be it.

I’m indifferent to having a pet, but the one thing I know I’ve had hatred towards, is PETA.


People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, aren’t what I would call, “all there”.  Maybe because they seem to go, a little overboard at times, with their commitment towards animals.

Now yes, PETA has done lots of good.  They’ve helped many animals find a safe/loving home, and help protest/stop experimental animal cruelty.  That, I don’t have a problem with.

It’s the over-the-top cries for public attention I can’t stand.

They had a problem with the way Tommy Lee Jones held the pug in Men In Black.  They went bat shit crazy when NBA star Manu Ginobili swatted an actual bat, which flew onto the court, during a game. However, probably the craziest thing I know off hand, is the fact PETA didn’t expect President Obama to even hurt a fly.  No literally.  When the president swatted a fly during a CNBC interview, PETA had to speak out on it!

Now, they’re attacking someone very close to me.  Someone I’ve grown up with as far as I can remember.  That person, is Mario, from the Mario Brothers.


I shit you not.  The animal rights group has the following statement on their site…

“When on a mission to rescue the princess, Mario has been known to use any means necessary to defeat his enemy—even wearing the skin of a raccoon dog to give him special powers.
Tanooki may be just a "suit" in Mario games, but in real life, tanuki are raccoon dogs who are skinned alive for their fur. By wearing Tanooki, Mario is sending the message that it's OK to wear fur. Play Super Tanooki Skin 2D and help Tanooki reclaim his fur!”

 After reading that little intro, you're invited to play a ripp off of Mario Mario Brothers 3 looking game.  Except, it looks more like Mario met a pyscho killer!




You then control the raccoon dog, and have to chase a flying Mario, in order

to get your skin back.  All while a gruesome/bloody/hell bent world is going on around you. 


Then, when you finally catch Mario, the following image pops up.


Yup, “#$*! YOU MARIO!” is in the middle of the screen.  Now remember, the introduction of the game claims that Mario is sending the wrong message.  I’m pretty sure that PETA is sending the wrong message in so many ways.

First off, look at the environment PETA created in this game.  They took a classic Nintendo character, and literally incorporated hell into his game play.  Kids can easily find this.  They’re smarter than people give them credit for.  If some kid found this (because you know they did), how happy would a parent be?  My guess, they’d be livid.  Especially after the end screen.  As if kids, or anyone, doesn’t know the message is “fuck you Mario”

Secondly, this game (Mario Brothers 3) came out in 1990.  Kids born that year are now legal to drink, so why NOW, does PETA care about it?  Is it because they’re all technologically impaired and only now coming around to classic video games?  HAHA…not at all.  It’s because some ass in a board room thought it would be a great way to get their name in the news.  The idea probably went like this. 

 “Let’s take a classic character that people love, make him look like the devil, piss on people’s happy childhood memories, make it interactive, and success!!!  People are talking about PETA in some way.”

Finally, look at the way they depict Mario at the side of the screen.  A vicious looking person, holding a raccoon head.

Now as an Italian American from Brooklyn, I can claim that PETA is trying to depict my background in a negative light.  But you know what?  I’m not going to. 

You can’t fight ignorant craziness.  It would be an ongoing, losing battle.   So I brush it off, because what they say, has no real impact on anyone with half a brain.

PETA will do a lot of good from here on out.  Sadly, they’re also going to do a lot of stupid things to get their message out there. I have a feeling that one day they’re going to go too far.  As a result, they’ll lose their following, and the original goal to help animals will fall by the wayside.  Here’s to hoping.
 
On a personal note, I may not like PETA very much, but I sure as hell like them more than Michael Vick.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

BEATEN & COMATOSE, OVER PARKING

So far, the biggest problem I think my apartment has, is a parking issue.  It's nothing horrible, but it's not the greatest situation in the world.  Meaning, I'll be able to live in the current state of it.  After all, it's nothing to go nuts over.

Too bad others don't share my point of view.

I feel like this is something you'd hear during the last few shopping days before Christmas.

Asshole...I mean...Oscar Fueller...actually...
I was right the 1st time
Oscar Fueller, a tall muscle bound electrician, delivered a brutal haymaker to 4-foot-11 Lana Rosas.  The punch left Rosas hitting the cement hard, and bleeding from the mouth.  Due to the punch, she was knocked into a coma, and now has brain damage.  In order to stop the swelling, doctors actually had to remove the front part of her skull.  To top it off, she now suffers from mood swings because of it.

What warranted this attack?  Why did this muscle bound guy have to sock this petite woman?  You would think it had to be over something gravely serious…sorry to say…but not so much.

The blow was delivered all because of a parking space in New York’s East Village. 

The headgear Lana Rosas must wear now
Rosas was saving a parking space for a friend.  Fueller, was so enraged by this, that he punched her in the face.  That’s it.  Plain and simple.  Now Rosas has no recollection of what happened due to the beating.  Fueller says that he was being assaulted, and was only protecting himself. 

Thank god for eye witnesses.
People nearby saw him screaming like a mad man.  By the time people came over to step-in, the ass delivered the brutal punch.

So again, let’s recap.  This guy…I mean…piece of shit…permanently altered this woman’s life forever, over a parking space.  She is missing a piece of her skull, can’t remember things & is living a completely different life; all over a god damn parking space!!!

All over a parking spot...
Now Fueller is saying that he was only defending himself against Rosas, claiming that she kept trying to slap him.  Let’s play devil’s advocate, and say this was true. Seeing as he was about two feet taller, and outweighed her by plenty, I think he could’ve dealt with her simple blows.

Bottom line here, like I’ve said before, there’s NO DAMN REASON to bully/hit women because of your size.  End of story.  No questions asked.

This guy is a father of two.  I’m sure they’re young children.  So how would he feel if someone, twice their height and weight, beat them into a coma?  My guess, he wouldn’t find it appropriate at all.

Violence isn’t the answer.  Ruining someone’s life over a parking space isn’t the answer.  There are times you need to defend yourself.  Other times, you need to know when to walk away.  If you can’t decipher those two…you’re going to go to jail for a very long time. 

Deservingly so.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

BUY MY PRODUCT: The Got It Gnome

Man, woman or child.  We've all gone through the experience of not being able to find something. 

An oversized purse with your phone in the darkest crevice, an overstuffed tool box with a socket wrench set missing the one sized socket you actually need, or the accessories to your action figure/dolls that you need for playtime. 

Sometimes we're so tired of looking for it, we don't even want it! We just want to know where it is.

Well, the days of losing your belongings is in the past, from the makers of Chia Pet, here is, THE GOT IT GNOME*.


Can’t find a particular item, and feel like giving up?  Just wake up your gnome from hibernation, and have him find it.

Just describe the item in detail, and he'll work his little but off till he finds it.

All of life's little questions can be solved with The Got it Gnome.

*Warning...gnome can go AWOL at a moment’s notice.  Do not put any body parts near his little mouth.  Ever see the movie Leprechaun? If left in severe hibernation for too long, he'll go bat shit crazy the same way.  If you've noticed that loved ones have gone missing, for the love of god, run away and never look back.  Upon purchasing The Got it Gnome, you waive any possibility of a lawsuit.  Thank you, and enjoy your gnome.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

MOVING AT YOUR OWN RISK

The subject of my blogs, for the most part, focuses on news, humor, and happy go lucky stories.  This one however, is about me bitching.  Ready...

HOLY HELL, HOW MUCH DOES IT SUCK TO MOVE!?!?!?!?!

Answer, a whole hell of a lot.

I am in no way a pack rat.  I try to keep the bare necessities.  Also, with the giant truck that I have, I figured I can get everything done within a few trips. 

This won't be a problem.  Easy peezie.

Yeah...not so much.

Then the back problems kicked in, then a cold started, and suddenly I had boxes of I don't know what piled up to the ceiling!

Oh, and mid-way through the move, I tweaked my hamstring.  I know.  Awesome, isn't it.

I'm debating to just start a fire in the street, and burn half of the boxes.

But then I'd probably have to pick up that mess then.  Oye!!!!

Then, if that's not bad enough, I realized something; that I truly am a guy.  This isn't a sudden revelation or anything, but I'm in the middle of organizing and decorating.  Meaning, I have no F'n clue where things should go, or how it should look!!!  This shit is like Chinese arithmetic to me!!!

Today is November first.  If I Avoid Harry Carey and make it to Thanksgiving...it'll be a god damn miracle.